If you started to read this entry with the hopes of getting a step-by-step guide on how to self-love-I'm sorry I misled you. See one of my new year's resolution was to be more self-compassionate, to love myself more. Like any other new year's resolution-it was abandoned a long time ago and yes I am aware we are only four months into the year. In my defense my new year's resolutions have not been my priority because my physical health was taking its toll on me in February. However, now recovered it's time to focus on my mental health. I realize that my self-appreciation is slim to none. For example, I went to the nail salon this past weekend, sans baby to "treat" myself, yet t it felt anything but. The whole time I was wondering if what I was doing was "worth" the money I was spending. I really meant-was I worth it to spend money on me. That's when it hit me. I have to stop. Why do I feel I'm not worth it? It's a simple luxury, an event we don't think twice about and here I was having a mental war about it the whole time I was there. I do that every time I think about buying anything for myself...
I don't take "time" for myself, because I don't have time to "waste" like that. I don't even look in a mirror. It's actually quite sad. I'm glad I don't have a little girl because I wouldn't want her learning this from me-that's she not worth her own time.
I have been aware of this problem but it just seems like my self-deprecating view is getting worst. When I DO look in the mirror I have such a dysmorphic view that perhaps that's why I don't bother with them. I am aware of the problem now how do I fix it?
How do I become more forgiving of myself, more compassionate and allow myself to enjoy life? I'm not sure, like I said this not the post with steps that lead to "eternal happiness." All I know is that it can't stay like this. I 'm tired of making myself second to everything, and I notice that even loved ones treat me that way too and it's because I allow it. After all people treat you the way you treat yourself and if I don't make me a priority why should others?
