It’s no surprise that we tend to overcomplicate relationships. Although many believe relationships are and should be complicated, that is not the case. We need to look at it objectively. With our girlfriends we tend to communicate every detail of our lives, tell them what we like and what we don’t like. If we have issue with them, we bring it up on how much that is hurting us, etc. However, when we get in a romantic relationship we tend to botch this type of communication. We want them to “know” how we feel. That he (or she) “should” know how that made us feel without ever telling them, because if they loved us, they will just “know.” Our friends love us, and we don’t assume they should know how we feel so why the sudden change with a romantic partner?
Which brings me to another point, I tend to be picky with my friendships. I tend to keep friends who are friends, loyal, kind, loving, supportive, respectful; and I believe most people look for that in friends. So why is it that the bar lowers when looking for a romantic partner? If standards are so high for friendships shouldn’t those standards be the same if not higher for a romantic relationship?
I am not an expert in relationships; I’m not even married, (which seems to be the epitome of successful relationships to some), but I do know this, that a relationship should enhance our life not bring it down or be our whole life. I once was told some very good advice, “it’s not about following your heart or following your brain, it should be about listening to both and adding your gut.” If all three are in concurrence then we won’t be steered wrong.
I love this!! I never once thought about friendships vs. relationships this way...It makes so much sense. Keep blogging Rosa this is great!!
ReplyDeleteAs you say, the everlasting, closed traditional marriage is considered the epitome of relationship success. However, we see this type of bond has turning out to be a unicorn, with a minority of couples living "happily ever after". Marriage statistics show that couples have been increasingly failing to achieve the fairy tale ending. Divorce rates soar to claim a very large fraction of all marriages, perhaps over 50%. Discovered infidelity is so common we aren't even surprised anymore to when the truth is revealed. We can only guess how many of the remaining "intact" marriages are quietly corrupted by secret infidelities. Its no wonder that matrimony in the United States is no longer the most common form of coupling.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/28/unmarried-household-minority-married-households_n_868506.html
Meanwhile, most people find that their friendships are their most enduring lovestyle. It is not at all uncommon for most people to maintain not only one, but multiple life-long deep, mutually satisfying friendships. What is it about the way we conduct these friendships that can inform and improve our love relationships ?